Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year's Eve - A New Normal

I'm not sure what I am anticipating happens tonight... at midnight:00:01.  I actually don't even know where I will physically be.  I know I won't be asleep, I have had a heck of a time getting to sleep lately.  I know things will not just magically change when the calendar flips to 2011.  One could hope though.  95% of what 'needs' to change is all in my head.  I totally believe your attitude is what you make it.  In reading books about divorce, I am supposed to be giving myself a little leeway.  Allowing for a little laziness, extra sleep, some mindless screw-ups. 

You have an open wound, your heart is broken!  If any other part of your body was broken you would give it time to heal and expect it to not function perfectly... put a cast around it... protect it...

For the most part I do.  I give myself grace.  I just get impatient, I want things to be back to 'normal' now.  I just want something to feel regular, routine, normal and "happy".  I guess the bottom line is... what is the new 'normal'.  Life as I knew it to be for 17 years is no longer.  I need to figure out what my normal is, me... not us or we.  I need to focus on how exciting that can be... and not on how frightening that is.  What new things await me in 2011, only I can decide that.  Only I can move myself forward in the molasses.  And like any other exercise, the more you do it, the easier it becomes... right?

As I focus on building my new life, I need to get back to my first love, God.  He has truly has gotten me through 2010.  Without him I am nothing.  How do people go through divorce without God?  How do people live life without God?  I need to remember that no matter what happens in 2011, He will be with me, He will love me, He IS enough for me.  I am human, how quickly and easily I forget and take him for granted.

“Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough?” -God
-Tenth Avenue North

I think I just answered part of my question.  I want my new normal to be God focused. 


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  2. As the the New Year arrived and others celebrated, I was curled up in bed and crying my heart out. When I finally pulled myself together I could not sleep and decided to come online and maybe start a new blog. I just needed a place to file away my thoughts as I try to figure out where to go from here. I thought if I could pour my troubles into the blog that maybe I would be able to sleep. I chose the name "Starting Over 2011", and that is when I found your blog. Although I am not going through a divorce, my life is turned upside down. I have to find some anchor to hold everything together. New hopes, new dreams. Just like you I know my new focus has to start with God. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. God bless you, and may He bring you new joy and new fulfillment in this new year.